A Day (not) in the Life: part one
Life has been pretty crazy recently and I would be surprised if you weren’t feeling this way as well. Lots of changes, lots of sadness and lots of uncertainty. I am not sure what to do with myself so I alternate between cooking, overeating, feeling fat, then working out. It’s an endless cycle. Afterwards, I try to ease the problems of the world by getting immersed with a book. Sometimes it works.
Another issue… I don’t know how to sit still and not get depressed. So I made quarantine a time of major improvement of the mind, body, and soul. However, I am not sure if I have taken 10 steps forward or 10 steps back. It changes based on the day.
After being in quarantine for 49 days I thought it’s about time to get some tangible thoughts to paper. I wonder a lot about the future. I wonder if thats a disservice to the present. But then, I wonder if the present should even be regarded as reality. As if this might just be a time in our lives we should block out. I mean are we even living if every thought and action is for our future? I wonder what I will think about this time when I look back. I doubt I will remember the millions of emotions I feel on a daily basis. Maybe it will all be summed up into a smile on my face, when I tell my children about the nightly 8pm clapping. How every night I waved to my neighbors I didn’t know before. I hope thats how I think back to this time.
While I don’t have many words of wisdom on this right now, I do have my story. Maybe in sharing, some can relate. In this first part I’ll share my experience leading up to the lock-in.
The impact of coronavirus on my life specifically started around mid-February. I had a stomach ache and while I probably could have just pushed myself to go to school, I decided it felt right to stay home. When you stay home, you must get a doctors note. In trying to avoid paying a 42 euro fee, (in which, if I wasn’t lazy I could file for and receive back) I decided to try and go the free Madrid public health care building. This was a mistake. I spent 3 hours trying to see a doctor and when I finally did they looked at me for 2 minutes and wrote me a slip and instructed I make a soup. So following the doctors orders, I stopped at Dia the local grocery store. I went to the second floor to get chicken broth when I heard an elderly Spanish woman shouting in another woman’s face. I assessed the situation for a few seconds trying to figure out what the issue was. This other woman seemed to be doing nothing wrong. She was quiet, seemed to keep to herself and wasn’t blocking anything. I listened to the words and my heart sank. “CHINO!!!” she shouted “Estas sucio… Coronavirus. Regresa a China,” (Chinese! You are dirty... Coronavirus. Return to China) and then she did something I thought at first I imagined. She spat at her.
I wish my Spanish was better so I could really give this elderly woman a piece of my mind. All I could muster was “No estas loca! Ella no esta haciendo nada.” (No you are crazy! She isn’t doing anything). I wish I knew swear words. I wish I knew what to say to make the Chinese woman feel better. I kept repeating “Ella es loca, ella es loca.” (She is crazy, she is crazy). But with my sub par Spanish levels I felt like I wasn’t doing everything I could to help. I talked to security downstairs. They know me well enough to know I live near by and between my broken Spanish and charades, they found the elderly woman and told her to leave.
Everything from this day until lockdown seems to fit under one word. Paranoia. The coronavirus just started hitting Madrid in local schools, churches, and even elderly homes. It spread faster and faster each day doubling, even tripling in size. I began using my hand sanitizer everywhere I went. Every time I touched something, on it went. I became obsessed with searching the news for new information. My teacher told me she was going to quit her gym out of fear, and I told her I was scared to take the public transit to work. But, I left school that Friday feeling as though I would be coming back.
That weekend I went out clubbing at Kapital, a 7 level club since my roommate had visitors in town. Clearly the more I drank the less concerned I was. The thought of the virus still somewhat too abstract to grasp into my life. I even ended up kissing a hot 6’4 American boy and leaving with him. Monday night came around and I had my first book club meeting. As I was walking over we got hit with the notifications. No school this week after Tuesday. I was happy. I had no thought in the world this would last very long. I felt like I needed a break anyways and was sure in a few weeks life would continue as normal. We had our book club, joked about going out after, and really didn’t have a clue in the world about what was to come. This was the last time I’ve seen most of my friends. After we left, my roommate and I stocked up on food for 2 weeks per our parents insistence. Italy had just began city lock-ins but we didn’t think it would happen to us or that theirs would last very long.
The next day came and we were told to social distance while walking around the city. We knew not to take public transit and there was hardly anyone on the streets. The next day, we were told school would be canceled next week too. Then our program canceled. This is when I questioned my safety in Spain. I called the US Embassy asking what they recommend. We were worried Trump would lock us out of the US and that we wouldn’t be welcomed to stay in Spain. What would happen to me if I got the virus here. Would my insurance still work I wondered? The woman on the line wasn’t helpful but did tell me to turn on the news and watch the Spanish Prime Minster’s speech. He announced a two week state of alarm. That we were not to leave our house except for the grocery or pharmacy. That we couldn’t go on walks or pick up food from a restaurant. We were to be confined to the square footage of our homes unless it was an emergency.
I don’t know why but I assumed this just applied to Madrid. My roommate and I fled to her boyfriend’s beach home in Alicante so that we can still be outside, enjoy restaurants and the beach. We got in late Friday night and when we awoke Saturday we decided to go for a walk along the beach. We found the whole beach had been blocked off, all restaurants were closed, and that starting Monday we couldn’t leave the house. For the first time the paranoia left and the reality of my situation set in. This was going to our lives now and starting Monday I would be trapped.
Stay tuned for a part two of life during the lock in!